10 days ago I met someone whom I thought had everything I’m looking for in a romantic partner.
A week ago we had our second date and my belief was only confirmed.
2 days ago he stayed over. We were supposed to meet up today but it’s 7pm and I haven’t heard from him.
No he’s not some dickhead who was just in it for the sex. At least I don’t think so, but what do I know really. In any case that’s not my concern. It’s in fact much worse than that. I seem to repel guys I really like. There has been this pattern where I’d date someone for a while, and they’d all get a cold or something and an epiphany to go with it. The epiphany being they don’t want to date me any more. This time there wasn’t even time for a little sickness. Come on run, as fast as you can, out of crazy person’s iron grasp of relationship horror.
I feel exhausted. I honestly don’t know what is repelling these guys. They’re all really nice guys, decent, kind, sweet, gentle… At the same time, I cannot think of anything that I may have done to inspire such dramatic and swift changes of heart. I’m at a loss.
The heart aches. The mind wanders. There was a moment today I kept saying to myself, lying in bed, “shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!” It just felt like the right thing to say. The situation is completely shit and I feel I have caused it but I don’t know how! How fucking shit is that?
Good thing I’ve only met him three times so this should go away relatively quickly. Good indeed.
